Donkey Piss Margarita
A Donkey’s Tale
Juan Jose Garcia Gomez, lived on the family agave farm outside of the Mexican village of Peche’, home to his large but very poor family. They had struggled for years waiting for the agave’s to grow so they could harvest the pinas, and sell them at the market to make Tequila. Only then, would the family get all the money back they had invested in this crop. Juan Jose knew he could not wait, food was scarce and it would surely run out. He had to help his family and save the farm. So he decided to leave home in search of a long lost treasure of gold. He had heard of this legendary treasure hidden in the hills outside of Peche’. Although it was a tale told mainly around the campfire as the men shared tequila late at night, young Juan Jose always listened and dreamed.
So Juan Jose set out on his quest, it was just him and his trusty little donkey, “Dolito” despite his size he was a very loyal ass. Juan knew one day little Dolito would turn into a big ass and everyone knows how hard it can be to handle a big ass, so time was short. Dolito would follow Juan Jose everywhere as they searched for the legendary treasure of Don Chancho Hidalgo Sanchez de Guadelupe. This quest had taken so long, he had become a sort of legend himself. It had been 8 years since he left his family and their agave farm in search of gold. All the people in the little town of Peche’ knew Juan Jose might never return.
Towns people would claim to have seen Juan Jose’s lantern in the hills, the sightings were usually at sunset as he and Dolito rode through the high desert. Over the course of his quest Juan Jose had met 7 mysterious strangers, each one told a different story of the lost gold. One said, the treasure was hidden by a man being chased from Central America by ruthless banditos. Another told of a beautiful senorita, whose father had given the man who married her a vast treasure of gold. But as the groom road off after the wedding, the senorita, she road off with her lover. The groom broken hearted buried the treasure, and in his agony forgot the location of the gold. He spent the rest of his life sad and searching, only to die alone in the desert. The legends each offered a different clue and Juan Jose listened carefully as the strangers would share their story. Dolito, seemed to listen too, but Juan Jose knew such a small ass could not possibly understand.
They had climbed to an area of the mountain that had been hidden by shadows, Dolito had been acting strangely all day. That evening as Juan Jose was about to pitch camp, little Dolito began kicking his hoof on a mound of dirt. Juan Jose, paid no attention, but Dolito would not leave the mound. To get the attention of Juan Jose he began to heehaw, stomp, and pee on the mound. As he peed and peed, his piss began to wash away many years of dirt obscuring a tequila bottle with a note inside. Juan Jose reached down and picked up the bottle, finding it was still partially filled with Tequila. With his fingers he was able to pull out the note.
Unfolding the note it read “Vast riches will belong to whoever finds this bottle of tequila, drink it in celebration, for your life has now changed forever. At sunrise, place this bottle on the top of the mound of dirt where it was found, the sun will then reveal the treasures hiding place. Enjoy the Tequila and sleep well”. Juan Jose was so excited he could barely close his eyes, he even gave a shot of Tequila to Dolito. They slept a few hours and woke just before daybreak, placing the bottle on the mound as the note instructed. As the sun began to rise, a beam of light was cast through the bottle onto a pile of stones. Juan Jose ran to the stones, as little Dolito began bucking and shouting “HeeHaw” HeeHaw” excitedly. He pulled the rocks back and saw a golden glow, there laid piles of golden stones and gold bars.
Juan Jose jumped on Dolito and trotted into town yelling and singing, for he had finally found the legendary treasure of Don Chancho Hidalgo Sanchez De Guadelupe. His family ran to Juan Jose, as many towns people gathered around to hear him tell the story of how a little ass, and some piss had discovered the treasure. Dolito he said, had really found it, and he announced that from this day forward, Dolito would be honored in the name of his tequila. He will call it “Donkey Piss Tequila”, the name for all the tequila he would produce. Juan Jose used his wealth to grow superior agave plants, and introduced the finest techniques to distill the best tequila in all of Mexico. Donkey Piss would grow to become the Worlds Number 1 Tequila. All the people of Peche’ celebrated as it was now home of the famous, Donkey Piss Tequila. In fact the people of Peche’ believe no celebration is complete without a shot of piss, Donkey Piss Tequila that is, in honor of a famous little ass named, Dolito.
People from all over the world now enjoy the great taste of, Donkey Piss Tequila.
Story by Diego “SAPPO” Gomez
Remember Drink Responsibly, Don’t Be An Ass!